Hi. It’s your mom. You do not exist yet, and you have not been conceived yet. I actually don’t know when I want you to be born just yet. I am 22, going on 23, and I feel like having a child is a huge responsibility right now. But someday you will read this-- someday you will exist. I think that is cool.
I hope you read this when you are my age. 22 is a cool year, right? I was drunk the entire 21st year, but 22 has been different for me. I decided it was time to go to college and get my shit together. Sorry I cursed. Do I curse in front of you? I hope I get my shitty grammar under control once you are here.
I think you are a boy. I have always envisioned you to be a boy. I want to name you Julian, and if you happen to be a girl, Hailey. Please don’t hate that name, your father hates that name. That is, if I marry him. Adrian. Is he your father? I sure hope so. He is a wonderful man. Just like I hope you to be someday. But, your mother is a smart woman. I know whomever your father will be is going to be one hell of a man.
I always wonder what you will be like. Witty? Sarcastic? Sort of an asshole? Intelligent, passionate about life? These are all things that I am. I love a good debate and I hate the government (you will probably know that by the point of reading this). I almost can’t envision myself with a child. It’s so strange. But here I am. Talking to you in the future. So cool! It’s like this paper is a time machine! Are you wondering what the point of this is? Well, I just woke up from a nap, and I dreamed of doing this. So here I am. I do weird shit like this sometimes. You probably know that, too.
Your father is currently studying for a real estate test. I hope he passes. Maybe if he does well, we can finally bring you into existence. I hope you don’t hate me. Please don’t hate us. We are scared as hell to have a baby. I don’t want us to ever grow apart, I want to know you and love you and support you forever. I’m a little tough when it comes to being a realist about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G (I’m sorry) But it’s just the way I am. And I will love you the way you are. I promise.
P.S.- What do I look like now? I’m probably all wrinkly and fat. That scares me. I’m pretty hot at the moment. Which I guess is gross to think about, because you are my kid. Haha oh my god, MY KID. My future kid!!! Whats up, kiddo? What kind of nicknames have I given to you? Do people even type out shit on paper anymore? Sorry if this is oldschool..
Lets talk girlfriends. Since you’re my kid, I know you’re going to be good looking. If you are a girl I’m sorry, I am seriously convinced I will only ever have boys for some reason.
Anyways, girlfriend talk. Yes girls are beautiful, yes, you are into chicks (even if you’re not, that is okay! Don’t be afraid to tell us! We go to gay bars all the time!) yes, you will get your heart broken. No, your high school relationships won’t work out, but I won’t tell you that. You have to learn from life. My mom (your grandma) told me my first boyfriend and I probably wouldn’t last, and I blew up in her face! But, she was right. It didn’t change the fact that I still didn’t listen. You need to learn these things for yourself. Life is all about experiences. Having them, and learning from them.
Find a lady. She doesn’t need to be a size 1 to love you harder than anyone else could. Does she have goals? Does she love you harder than you deserve? If she is selfless and would put you before anything, keep her. (But please don’t make me a grandma yet. that’s just weird.) My 22 year old advice is probably not as good as the advice I can give today, so if you ever have any questions, I am here for you.
On an ending note, Please know that I love you SO MUCH and you aren’t even a living organism yet. You are just a thought right now, but once you come here, I will be scared as HELL from the minute I read that pregnancy test, to the minute I hold you for the first time. (duh.. owch.. you owe me) but please always remember that I love you more than you will ever know, future child.
I think about you constantly.. I want to travel the world with your father, and I hope I get to before you get here. You are going to be hard work. Every day. (especially if you are my kid) But I’m going to do it. For you. Also, I hope you get to know Tank. Our dog. He is so amazing. I hope he will be in your baby photos.. I hope he gets to meet you. He is my technical first-born. Preparing me for you. I am so excited to hold you someday.
I keep blabbering because I have so much to tell you now that you’re an adult! I will probably slip up and give you this early, but I will try not to. But as of right now, on this paper. I am your age. We are the same age. The same mindset. We have the same open, beautifully blank future. The future is yours. Do whatever you want with your life. Just be happy. Be kind. Be you. I know you are wonderful.