Sunday, May 25, 2014

How to Get Lean and Gain Muscle - Written by a Regular Chick

How did you do it?

Since the day I posted this photo, I have received dozens of emails asking me how I did it. Well, it's tricky. If you keep up with my blog, I have went many different routes throughout my life. My first initial thought was to cut out carbs completely (WRONG) my second idea was to eat whatever I wanted as long as I stayed under 1500 calories a day (ALSO WRONG) and I have finally found what works for me.

Throughout my fitness journey I have had a lot of advice, tried a lot of different "diets" and a had many trials & errors throughout it all. Before you read this, understand that everyone has a different outlook on what works and what doesn't. THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR ME. You ask, I tell. So far this is what I know, and I am still learning every day.

Before we get into what kinds of workouts I do, we need to discuss my diet. Because that is so much more important than what exercises I preform. 



When you are trying to gain muscle and burn fat, you need to first make sure that you are getting enough protein (and the right kinds). Eggs, dairy, and lean meats are a great, easy way to meet this goal. If you are a vegetarian like me, it will be a little more difficult, but it is always doable. I substitute meat with nuts, protein supplements, quinoa and beans.

Eat the right kinds of protein

How to calculate how much protein you need

There are many of these protein calculators available online, but I have provided below the link to the one I used as an example above.
CLICK HERE to calculate how much protein you need using this exact protein calculator


Beyond protein, it is important to provide your body with a sufficient amount of good carbohydrates to keep your muscles fueled. I've provided a chart below of the kinds of carbs you should be consuming on a daily basis.


Basically, steer clear of any processed foods. 

I have posted my thoughts on the free myfitnesspal app in a past blog, but I will repost this for your convenience. This app will help you calculate where you are now, and will show you what you need to do, caloric wise, to meet your own personal fitness goals. You can interact with other friends who are also working towards a better body and lifestyle on the app. It is very motivating! 

I think I have laid out most of what is important in the diet portion of this, so lets move on to what I do in the gym.


I should start by saying, that I do cardio for 20 minutes 3 times a week. According to the American College of Sports Medicine, this is the accurate amount to do if you are trying to gain lean muscle as well as lose body fat. I do the elliptical because it works your whole body, and it burns more calories than a treadmill.

But, lets get to the fun stuff! Below I have listed my current workout routine that I do on specific muscle targeting days, including example clips so you don't feel confused at the gym when starting up a new routine. PLEASE NOTE - these are the workouts that I do, everyone is different, so if some of these feel uncomfortable, you can find many more options at (Don't let the buff guys in these videos intimidate you!)
Arm day


Standing dumbbell reverse curl
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 10 lb dumbbells for this exercise)
Hammar curls
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 10 lb dumbbells for this exercise)

Dumbbell bicep curl
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 10 lb dumbbells for this exercise)


triceps pushdown
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 20 lb weight for this exercise)

Reverse grip triceps pushdown
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 20 lb weight for this exercise)

triceps pushdown rope attachment
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 17.5 lb weight for this exercise)
Leg Day

Hack squats
3 sets of 15 reps
(currently adding 90 lbs on this machine)

Wide stance leg press 
3 sets of 15 reps
(currently adding 140 lbs on this machine)

Seated calve raises

3 sets of 15 reps
(currently adding 25 lbs on this machine)

Thigh abductor & adductor
3 sets of 15 reps for BOTH abductor and adductor
(currently using 30 lb weight for these machines)

Romanian dead lift
3 sets of 15 reps
(currently adding 20 lbs to the bar for this exercise)

Back Day

Seated cable rows
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 20 lb weight on this machine) 

Wide-grip lat pull down
3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 20 lb weight on this machine)

Close-grip front lat pull down

3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 20 lb weight on this machine)

One arm dumbbell row

3 sets of 8-12 reps
(currently using 10 lb dumbbells of this exercise)

3 sets of 8-12 reps

I'm not currently doing abs, so I can't help you there.. yet. 
I do these on a weekly schedule as listed - 

Monday- Arms
Tuesday- Cardio
Wednesday- Back & Cardio
Thursday- Cardio
Friday- Rest day
Saturday- Legs
Sunday- Rest day
Eat clean - Every Day

If you have any questions, please let me know! I will now refer anyone who emails me to this blog because I won't have free time like this again for a while. GOOD LUCK!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Why Do Women Hate Each Other?

Have you ever wondered why, when you see a beautiful woman, your first thought is to point out any flaw you can find? Why do we constantly feel the need to put each other down? We bash the skinny models, and try (failing immensely) to glamorize body fat because the women who feel less-than-perfect are threatened by these women. We even go as far as declaring that unless you are a little hefty, you are not a "Real woman". (whatttttt?!?) Women have for generations had an unbearable urge to hate each other. Why is this?

Well, we are programmed to do this. Maybe not genetically--definitely not genetically--but psychologicaly programmed to do this. From the moment we are born, we are put in pink dresses and given Disney princesses as role models. We are encouraged to act "lady-like" and receive positive feedback when we try to look "pretty". We unnoticably tell little girls that they are "beautiful", when we tell little boys that they are "awesome".

It only progresses into adulthood when we start to focus on the media. The magazines tell us how to be more beautiful, what to buy to be more beautiful, and how to act to be seen as more beautiful.  The older we grow, the more that we feed off of that need for acceptance to hear that we are beautiful, because thats all we have ever been encouraged to be.

But what happens if the girl sitting at the bar is "more beautiful" than you? You become INSECURE. But you forget that she, just like you, is only doing what she has been taught to do since birth.. be beautiful. Maybe she's doing a better job at it, but you must realize that she too is pressured by the magazines and the constant strive for compliments and the feeling of acceptance.

So next time you see a beautiful woman, don't let your natural need to feel defensive take over. It isn't her fault. She might be dressed provocatively and she might be getting tons of negative attention from men, but it is what her and you both have been told to strive for. Smile at her, and realize that you and her are one in the same. Just two women trying to make it in a male dominated world.

We need to teach our daughters that they two are smart, and talented and have much more than just their beauty to offer to the world. We need to teach them that beauty lies within and no matter what happens, looks will fade. We need to encourage health rather than a perfect body. We need to encourage success rather than male attention. We need to encourage being a good person rather than being "lady-like". And lastly, we need to empower one another rather than resent one another.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Dear Future Child..

Dear future child,

Hi. It’s your mom. You do not exist yet, and you have not been conceived yet. I actually don’t know when I want you to be born just yet. I am 22, going on 23, and I feel like having a child is a huge responsibility right now. But someday you will read this-- someday you will exist. I think that is cool.

I hope you read this when you are my age. 22 is a cool year, right? I was drunk the entire 21st year, but 22 has been different for me. I decided it was time to go to college and get my shit together. Sorry I cursed. Do I curse in front of you? I hope I get my shitty grammar under control once you are here.

I think you are a boy. I have always envisioned you to be a boy. I want to name you Julian, and if you happen to be a girl, Hailey. Please don’t hate that name, your father hates that name. That is, if I marry him. Adrian. Is he your father? I sure hope so. He is a wonderful man. Just like I hope you to be someday. But, your mother is a smart woman. I know whomever your father will be is going to be one hell of a man.

I always wonder what you will be like. Witty? Sarcastic? Sort of an asshole? Intelligent, passionate about life? These are all things that I am.  I love a good debate and I hate the government (you will probably know that by the point of reading this). I almost can’t envision myself with a child. It’s so strange. But here I am. Talking to you in the future. So cool! It’s like this paper is a time machine! Are you wondering what the point of this is? Well, I just woke up from a nap, and I dreamed of doing this. So here I am. I do weird shit like this sometimes. You probably know that, too.

Your father is currently studying for a real estate test. I hope he passes. Maybe if he does well, we can finally bring you into existence. I hope you don’t hate me. Please don’t hate us. We are scared as hell to have a baby. I don’t want us to ever grow apart, I want to know you and love you and support you forever. I’m a little tough when it comes to being a realist about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G (I’m sorry) But it’s just the way I am. And I will love you the way you are. I promise.

P.S.- What do I look like now? I’m probably all wrinkly and fat. That scares me. I’m pretty hot at the moment. Which I guess is gross to think about, because you are my kid. Haha oh my god, MY KID. My future kid!!! Whats up, kiddo? What kind of nicknames have I given to you? Do people even type out shit on paper anymore? Sorry if this is oldschool..

Lets talk girlfriends. Since you’re my kid, I know you’re going to be good looking. If you are a girl I’m sorry, I am seriously convinced I will only ever have boys for some reason.

Anyways, girlfriend talk. Yes girls are beautiful, yes, you are into chicks (even if you’re not, that is okay! Don’t be afraid to tell us! We go to gay bars all the time!) yes, you will get your heart broken. No, your high school relationships won’t work out, but I won’t tell you that. You have to learn from life. My mom (your grandma) told me my first boyfriend and I probably wouldn’t last, and I blew up in her face! But, she was right. It didn’t change the fact that I still didn’t listen. You need to learn these things for yourself. Life is all about experiences. Having them, and learning from them.

Find a lady. She doesn’t need to be a size 1 to love you harder than anyone else could. Does she have goals? Does she love you harder than you deserve? If she is selfless and would put you before anything, keep her. (But please don’t make me a grandma yet. that’s just weird.) My 22 year old advice is probably not as good as the advice I can give today, so if you ever have any questions, I am here for you.

On an ending note, Please know that I love you SO MUCH and you aren’t even a living organism yet. You are just a thought right now, but once you come here, I will be scared as HELL from the minute I read that pregnancy test, to the minute I hold you for the first time. (duh.. owch.. you owe me) but please always remember that I love you more than you will ever know, future child.

I think about you constantly.. I want to travel the world with your father, and I hope I get to before you get here. You are going to be hard work. Every day. (especially if you are my kid) But I’m going to do it. For you. Also, I hope you get to know Tank. Our dog. He is so amazing. I hope he will be in your baby photos.. I hope he gets to meet you. He is my technical first-born. Preparing me for you. I am so excited to hold you someday.

I keep blabbering because I have so much to tell you now that you’re an adult! I will probably slip up and give you this early, but I will try not to. But as of right now, on this paper. I am your age. We are the same age. The same mindset.  We have the same open, beautifully blank future. The future is yours. Do whatever you want with your life. Just be happy. Be kind. Be you. I know you are wonderful.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

How to make the switch from Cigarettes to Electronic Cigarettes

First off; Congratulations! Smoking is a real addiction, and so far the only people that seem to
understand this are other fellow smokers. If you're like me, nothing else has worked. And in most cases you don't even really want to quit smoking. It's too much of a process and too much work. I love smoking. I smoke when I'm happy, sad, bored, driving, after sex, after food, while drinking. I smoke a lot. And I enjoy it. That's why I need more than a patch or some gum to fix my bad habit.

What's cool about e cigarettes is that it feels like you're really smoking. And before you say you've "tried it", remember that the small ones that are in the shape of a cigarette DO NOT WORK. Tobacco companies love that they can sell these tiny things for $5 at the gas station, just so you try it and realize that hey, these things suck! Give me a real pack of smokes! Of course they suck! You just paid 5 dollars for one at the gas station! If you wan't an e cig that works, you need to spend the extra cash and do your research. Luckily, I've already done all the thinking for you.

Monthly amount spent smoking - $120

Monthly amount spent vaping  - $14

First step is this. Check out 

Check out the Ego-U series section

The photo to the right is what you will be getting. They have tons of other kinds ranging from $20-$45

If you're kind of weary about these, grab yourself the $20 set. It will work just as well, but the $45 set comes with a back-up battery and an extra clearomizer which you will need if you find out you enjoy vaping.


- You will need a new clearomizer ever month or so, so I suggest buying a few back up ones just incase you crack yours, or it malfunctions. They run about $7, so its not a huge loss. you can find them here. Make sure you get ones that are compatible with the Ego-U series.

- If you smoke half a pack a day, you will need 2-3 bottles of nicotine a month. They all run $5 a bottle on Best.Website.Ever.

- It is good to spend the extra 25 dollars and get an extra battery. This will save your life if it dies when you're on the go.

- If you click the button on the battery 5 times in a row, it will flash and turn off, so it is safe in your purse or wherever you keep it. Click it 5 times again to turn it back on. Your battery should last a good 24 hours if you don't forget to do this so it doesn't run accidentally while put away.

- If it ever feels "clogged" Clean out the area between the battery and the clearomizer with a q-tip.

- 14 drags is equivalent to one cigarette. Puff away!

- Start at 18mg's. Work your way down once a month, or every few months, depending on your preference. You don't have to dive into quitting too fast. Take your time so it works.

- Make it through the first week, and you will never want to touch another nasty cigarette again.


Have you had any cravings for a real cigarette when you're around people smoking real ones?

-No. In fact, the first cig I smelled a few days after switching, I was appauled by the scent. They gross me out now. I put it to the test the first night I got it with drinking... the first hour I was a little freaked out.. I did want a cigarette. But I just puffed my e cig and I forgot about wanting a real one after a bit. Now when I go to the bar I don't have to leave a group to go smoke.. I just smoke wherever and I don't crave "cigarette breaks"!
Do you think you'll become addicted to the ecig?

-Maybe. I am now... It's a hell of a lot better than smoking tobacco though. I can breathe better, and I get awesome flavors! I just lowered my nicotine from 18 mg to 12 mg, and honestly.. i feel no difference.. So thats a good sign! It will always be nice to have even when I do go down to 0 nicotine. Social events where everyones smoking and you "stopped" has always been my biggest weakness.. Just one? No, it leads to a pack... Thats why it will be nice to be able to puff with friends and NOT become addicted again.. just doing it for the social aspect of it. Which is where we all started.
And lastly what flavors are a must have?

-I love tropical punch, red hots, and caramel cappuccino, orange dream, and Butter Scotch. Get some regular flavored "tobacco" kind as a back up.. because you wont ever use it lol.. the flavors make it fun! Just try them all!

What makes it different from a real cigarette?

It isn't tobacco. It is only nicotine. You are "smoking" water vapor, and getting your nicotine fix. Tobacco has a lot of gnarly crap in it. So no more worrying about heart disease, lung cancer, and all of the poisonous substances you inhale every day. You will get your sense of taste back, and breathe deeper. The point is to slowly ween yourself off of the nicotine. You can ALWAYS vape though, when when you quit. You can purchase 0 mg of nicotine when its all over, and save it for social events so, like it said earlier, you aren't tempted to relapse and start smoking cigarettes again.

Anymore questions, please feel free to comment and I will answer! Shoot me an email @ if you want to ask me something in private.

Enjoy vaping and PLEASE comment and let me know how you like it!

Monday, January 21, 2013

How to have a healthy relationship (and how to keep it that way)

How To Have a Healthy Relationship 

(and how to keep it that way)

I don't want to boast, but I think I've got this whole relationship thing down. I've been hurt, and I have hurt. You have to date around before you can realize what is right and what isn't. Maybe this post can help you skip some of those steps.

You have heard most of this many times, but have you ever laid it out and actually tried it? I am not claiming to be perfect or have a perfect relationship. Every good relationship faces hard times. It's life. And your relationship will solely survive on how you handle stressful situations. Beyond the basics of trust and communication, these are the things that I think are what holds a relationship together.


 I know how annoying it is when he forgets to rinse the sink after he does the dishes! Fucking prick! How hard is it REALLY?? ---- What? This sounds insane, but this happens. You live with each other and you become annoyed by his little imperfections. The same ones that you used to think we're cute are not so cute anymore. How do we usually go upon a situation like this? A nice bickering fight that ends with him sleeping on the couch and you silently laughing at how crazy you were just acting.

I've learned to laugh about it. Adrian goes insane with my constant need for every light in the house to be on. He laughs and says "You and those fucking lights woman!" He turns them off and grrs at me. We laugh about it. And next time I leave a room I remember him making that face, and it makes me laugh.. Then I turn the lights out and move on with my day. You really have to learn to laugh things off. What you need to do is ALWAYS think of an argument like this. "Will this matter a year from now?" If not, don't even bother with it. Is him leaving dirty towels on the floor in the bathroom worth losing him? I promise if he is a good guy, you will miss picking them up one day. Crazy how that works, huh?


Sex is like pizza. When it's not good, it's still kinda good. Sex will forever bond you. Through stressful jobs, kids (If you have any) and all of life's hardships, Sex is made to psychically and emotionally reattach you.

When Adrian and I become too caught up in life and forget to have sex for a week (our schedules suck) Its almost as if we forget our emotions. But as soon as we reconnect the bond is always completely mended. It's more than penetration, it's a bond that you share with ONLY him. It's beautiful. I have already told you all about Why you should get a lapdance with your man and how to keep the spark alive. Sex is a close second to communication in my eyes. You need it or eventually you WILL fall apart. Which leads me to me next subject.


The thought of a threesome is sexy, right? Watching someone else enjoy your man. Maybe you like women, too? What could really go wrong? You love each other and you trust each other.. Why not try it once? I WILL TELL YOU WHY. Yes, maybe the sex would be amazing! But what about afterwords? Did the condom break? Not sure? Maybe text her? Oh, she already texted you and wants to do it again next weekend? Here is your problem. You have now just fucked another chick. Together. She is your problem. What of she texts your man behind your back? What if she got pregnant? These sound silly but I've seen it happen. A threesome is something that needs to always stay a fantasy. The reality of a threesome is that is 9 out of 10 times it is a bad idea. But by all means, have fun, get a lap dance, check out women together. Enjoy the fantasy, but KEEP IT A FANTASY. End of story. Is one night of fun really worth endless arguments and possibly the end of something great?


Adrian and I sit at home a majority of the time. When we are not working, we are probably cuddling on the couch, watching CSI and in our pajamas. Occasionally, we go out. Rarely do I have "girls nights" I almost always include Adrian in my outing events. "Girls Nights" are excuses to go out and get away from your man. If you can't have fun out with him, how do you ever expect to carry out a relationship with him? These are things you need to think about. Go out with him. Have some cocktails, laugh together. It has done wonders for Adrian and I. We are a team, and we don't need anyone to go out with us to have a good time. That is very important. There is always something else to talk about. You should never become bored with each others conversation. Life is an adventure. Even if it means getting a cheap hotel room for a night and sneaking down to the hot tub at midnight, do it. You will enjoy each other the most when you are away from the normal schedule and away from everyone else.


You went through a rough patch, he got mad and stormed off to a friends, where he proceeded to drink a lot and ended up having sex with some girl who "totally took advantage" of him. You caught her sending him nudes and you both broke down and he promised to never to it again. Why not work it out? BECAUSE THAT IS A DUMB FUCKING IDEA. Cheating is NEVER okay. There is absolutely no reason either of you should ever seek sexual companions outside of your relationship. Once you cheat, your relationship is already fucking toast. Get out. I promise you it will never improve, I have seen it all before. Once they do it and you "forgive" them it will never ever leave your mind. It breaks your bond. If he loved you he wouldn't stray from you. And if you stay he sees no consequences for his actions, so he will most likely do it again. and again. Please, don't waste your time.


It's sad that I even have to cover this subject. I have never laid a hand on a boyfriend. I wasn't raised around violence, and you need to find a man who wasn't either. Men that are raised around domestic violence are 5 times more likely to do it themselves. Learn about your mans past. Play fighting is fun, but if he physically harms you with the intention of inflicting pain on you, leave. It only gets worse. I promise you. There is no excuse for him to hit you. And it goes both ways. If you don't put your hands on him, then he doesn't put his hands on you. You don't hurt the ones that you love. Point blank.

Do you really want to raise children with a father that beats their mother? Not only are you harming yourself psychically and emotionally, but if you choose to have children with this man, your kids will suffer as well. This is the worst type of relationship to be in. So unhealthy and guaranteed to fail. In the heat of an argument you need to BOTH learn to walk away and cool off. Respect each other always. 


Yes, he looks at other women, yes he watches porn. (If he says he doesn't, he's lying to you.) It is natural for the both of you to find yourself looking at attractive people. You check out other men, so obviously, he is looking at other women as well. But remember that you have more with him than just a sexual relationship. You have built a bond with this man, and he loves you. If he runs into an old cute girl he went to high school with, don't become angry over it. Smile, politely shake her hand, and join in on the conversation. He will be impressed with you. Your confidence is lighting up the room, and he admires that. No one can take your man from you. And if you have to worry about this, your relationship is not strong enough. Never jump to conclusions unless you are 100% sure you should. I know this is easier said than done, but give it a try and don't ever let another bitch have the satisfaction of thinking you are threatened by her. Because you are the fucking shit, and she knows it.


One thing that has made my relationship that much better, is keeping our drama between ourselves. Yes, we argue, yes sometimes I want to get online and bitch about him, BUT I DON'T. It is not only rude, but it is disrespectful to your partner. Facebook sucks because it makes you think that it is okay to put your problems on the WWW. Everything that happens between Adrian and I, STAYS BETWEEN ADRIAN AND I. No one knows the juicy details of our latest argument, but chances are, I have read about yours. And you know what? I think your relationship is a joke! How can you change your relationship status to single, and the next day upload a photo of an engagement ring?? Talk about dysfunctional! And everyone else is thinking the same thing. Just stop. No one gives a shit anyways. It is your relationship, no one else needs the 411 about it. If you have problems, go see a counselor. Your facebook friends have no good advice to give you.

I have a very healthy relationship with Adrian, and I would like to see more of that out there!
Your relationship will only be as good as you let it be! 

If you have anymore questions or think I should add to this, please comment!

Friday, January 18, 2013

How I Became a Stripper (and how you can)

A lot of women (and even some men) ask me on a regular basis how to "become a stripper". Which I don't really have an answer for. Everyone has their own story of how they became a dancer. So I figured, maybe I should share my experience with you?

First of all, I get a lot of judgement from outsiders who do not understand dancing. Many of the girls in this industry are in college studying to become scientists, (not joking) teachers, engineers, and everything in between. When they aren't dancing on stage, they are in the back studying for their finals!   I like to just think of dancers as people who are smarter than everyone else with a vagina. You'd be surprised the kind of cash showing your boobs to vulnerable men will bring you. MEN LOVE FEMALE ATTENTION. Is it so bad that we use it to profit money? We know your weakness, we are motivated workers, and therefor, we are going to do everything in our power to empty out your checking account. (Maybe even your savings!)

But before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you about the FIRST TIME I ever danced. I was living in Grand Junction, going through a break-up, and dead fucking broke. I couldn't afford a car battery, so to get to work every day consisted of jumping it every time I drove it. Embarrassing? Yeah, but I was used to living in poverty. So there I was, jump starting my car to drive to Wal Mart to buy some ramen noodles so I could eat something. I always shopped at hand-me-down stores, and learned to live simply. Scraped change up to do laundry, whatever. It was fine, I made due. I bought legitimate fake handbags online, I tried my best to fit in, but obviously I knew I was full of fucking shit. And I was tired of it.

I wanted more for myself. So the idea of stripping popped into my head. No, I don't mind showing my tits, I like to flirt and I LOVE to dance! I could TOTALLY be a stripper! That next week I saved up money and me and a friend of mine split the price of a stripper pole.

I practiced until my arms about fell off. I wanted so bad a change for myself. I wanted to make tons of money and have a nice car and maybe even some expensive useless other shit that people with money have! I finally got a routine down, learned some pole tricks, ordered some cheap dance shoes online, kissed my momma good-bye, packed up my car and drove to Denver at about 30 MPH the entire way (It wouldn't go any faster) Basically I had fucking NOTHING, and with that said.. What was there to lose? 

↓ Platinum 84 was the first club I worked at, watch the commercial below. 

Finally I drove into denver, and after a night of pep talking, I drank probably 7 shots of vodka (I was fucking terrified) and casually walked into the strip club. As soon as I opened the door, I didn't feel the vodka anymore. I looked at the door guy and told him that I was here to audition. He called out the big manager who came up to me, shook my hand, and instructed me to have a seat while he got paperwork.

I will never forget sitting at that table and watching the girl on stage thinking "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING." This entire thing was new to me and I felt extremely out of place. The manager shortly came back up to me and asked me when I would be ready to audition. That's when I got really nervous. This is it. I thought. I have to actually get on stage and take my clothes off! He directed me to the back where a really worn out group of strippers guided me to the dressing room and insisted I show them my tits. "Okay..?" I guess this is how people are going to talk to me? I wasn't used to such a sexual environment. 5 minutes ago I would have NEVER showed my tits to a complete stranger!

I changed into a basic dancer outfit that I had bought, confided in my new obviously drug abusing friends, and waited to hear my name called for my audition. I was shaking as I walked up to the stage. My shoes were so high that I just sort of grabbed onto the pole and used it as support to make sure I didn't fall. The rules were explained to me as "You need to be topless by the third song" Okay, I can do that... Wait.. oh my god.. All of these people are going to see me boobs! How weird is that? I took my top of, and felt relieved to see that no one was laughing at me. They were actually tipping me! Somehow I made it through my 12 minute set, got off stage and signed my paperwork.

That night I left around 12 am, exhausted and $800 richer. 8 HUNDRED DOLLARS. I made 8 hundred dollars! That was LITERALLY more than my entire monthly income waitressing! Holy shit!!!  

This was the start of something great for me. I am now very well off, at a MUCH nicer club with much classier co-workers, I live a fancy lifestyle, I can go out and do and buy whatever I please to with the ability to still put away $1,000 a month, along with a $900 car payment. I have never had the option to live so stress free and happily. I basically get paid to have men stroke my ego all night. And buy me drinks. I like drinks.

If you want to be a dancer, or are interested, email me at or message me on facebook -

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Justin Bieber Concert/What Is My Life About

So, I went my first Justin Bieber concert last night. Obviously this is all over facebook, and if you know me, you know that I am sickeningly in love with him. A typical day starts out with me listening to my JB Pandora, Checking out whilst brushing my teeth with my singing JB toothbrush, and eventually leads to you calling me and hearing my JB ringback tone. Yeah I know, try living with me. Adrian doesn't receive n e a r l y as many blowjobs as he deserves.

Going to this concert was something I have been looking forward to since forever, but mainly since last August when his Believe Tour tickets went on sale. Somehow I got lucky enough to be on the floor next to the fucking stage! (I guess I did fork out $800) He is just TOO GORGEOUS and honestly, he can have all my money. And my car, too. Also my dignity. Please, take it.

Amanda and I got ready until the last minute because she has never been on time for anything in her life, but we made it in time. We got our tickets and took our long, proud "I have more money than you" strut to the floor of the Pepsi Center where we waited to be told where our seats were. The lady grabbed our tickets, looked at us a smiled, and say "You guys are RIGHT NEXT TO THE STAGE!" Amanda and I soaked up how awesome life was at the moment and made our way to our seats where we were given wrist bands because the first two rows closest to stage were allowed to stand at the railing to touch him. How lucky is that? I about died, and spent much time trying to pull myself together while Carly Rae Jepson put on a lame preformance, and honestly, I could have lived without seeing that. Her music is shit. Anyways, we patiently anticipated JB's coming onto stage. I started contemplating how I was going to handle myself, and how I was going to not look like a psychotic crying chick when me and Justin finally made some well anticipated eye-contact. I have literally been waiting my whole life for that moment and I wasn't going to ruin it just because my marbles are loose for JB. I needed to get my shit together.

I realized that I was kind of old and I also smoke, so I couldn't keep up with the screaming 10 year old girls. I kind of just pretended to scream. On the inside I was building up a life orgasm that was about to explode in my chest and release sexual butterflies and party favors. Nothing feels as good as waiting for your idol to come out on stage. It doesn't hurt that he is gorgeous as fuck and sings like an angel sliding down a rainbow, either. nomnomnom. The countdown began and we waited a long ten minutes that felt like a fucking C E N T U R Y.

As soon as he started coming out, I was taking into reality JUST how close we really were going to be to Justin. I was -literally- maybe 6 inches from him? "Is this real? What is my life about? Holy shit he exists. I think I'm going to die. Help. Seriously, help me, I can't do this. OH MY GOD." Those were my thoughts as I watched Justin come down from the ceiling with Angel wings made of records and other cool shit. He "landed" right next to me and it was probably the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. Here is a video. Make sure to listen out for my grunting and self pep talking. I find it hilarious and Adrian thinks I'm fucking crazy. (Surprise mutherfucker, you're right!)

The concert only escalated from there and he kept getting more naked and I was starting to contemplate jumping on stage and just raping him. Thank god I decided not to grab a drink at the front or else I probably wouldn't have seen much of the concert. I tried again to really take it all in. Isn't it weird how  something you have anticipated for so long finally happens, you feel like you can't grasp it tight enough? You can't take the experience in the way you would like to. Your emotions are everywhere and bam, its over. 

I'm going to be completely honest, the whole thing was surreal the entire time. So surreal that the waterproof mascara I bought was unnecessary. I couldn't even cry. I was in complete and utter shock. It still feels like a dream. Was that REALLY Justin Bieber? He is such a mega super star that thinking of him as a regular person is almost impossible. He seems like something made up. He is so handsome and charming and talented. I can't even begin to tell you how infatuated I am with him.

This was amazing and I will never forget this. Ever.