Friday, January 18, 2013

How I Became a Stripper (and how you can)

A lot of women (and even some men) ask me on a regular basis how to "become a stripper". Which I don't really have an answer for. Everyone has their own story of how they became a dancer. So I figured, maybe I should share my experience with you?

First of all, I get a lot of judgement from outsiders who do not understand dancing. Many of the girls in this industry are in college studying to become scientists, (not joking) teachers, engineers, and everything in between. When they aren't dancing on stage, they are in the back studying for their finals!   I like to just think of dancers as people who are smarter than everyone else with a vagina. You'd be surprised the kind of cash showing your boobs to vulnerable men will bring you. MEN LOVE FEMALE ATTENTION. Is it so bad that we use it to profit money? We know your weakness, we are motivated workers, and therefor, we are going to do everything in our power to empty out your checking account. (Maybe even your savings!)

But before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you about the FIRST TIME I ever danced. I was living in Grand Junction, going through a break-up, and dead fucking broke. I couldn't afford a car battery, so to get to work every day consisted of jumping it every time I drove it. Embarrassing? Yeah, but I was used to living in poverty. So there I was, jump starting my car to drive to Wal Mart to buy some ramen noodles so I could eat something. I always shopped at hand-me-down stores, and learned to live simply. Scraped change up to do laundry, whatever. It was fine, I made due. I bought legitimate fake handbags online, I tried my best to fit in, but obviously I knew I was full of fucking shit. And I was tired of it.

I wanted more for myself. So the idea of stripping popped into my head. No, I don't mind showing my tits, I like to flirt and I LOVE to dance! I could TOTALLY be a stripper! That next week I saved up money and me and a friend of mine split the price of a stripper pole.

I practiced until my arms about fell off. I wanted so bad a change for myself. I wanted to make tons of money and have a nice car and maybe even some expensive useless other shit that people with money have! I finally got a routine down, learned some pole tricks, ordered some cheap dance shoes online, kissed my momma good-bye, packed up my car and drove to Denver at about 30 MPH the entire way (It wouldn't go any faster) Basically I had fucking NOTHING, and with that said.. What was there to lose? 

↓ Platinum 84 was the first club I worked at, watch the commercial below. 

Finally I drove into denver, and after a night of pep talking, I drank probably 7 shots of vodka (I was fucking terrified) and casually walked into the strip club. As soon as I opened the door, I didn't feel the vodka anymore. I looked at the door guy and told him that I was here to audition. He called out the big manager who came up to me, shook my hand, and instructed me to have a seat while he got paperwork.

I will never forget sitting at that table and watching the girl on stage thinking "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING." This entire thing was new to me and I felt extremely out of place. The manager shortly came back up to me and asked me when I would be ready to audition. That's when I got really nervous. This is it. I thought. I have to actually get on stage and take my clothes off! He directed me to the back where a really worn out group of strippers guided me to the dressing room and insisted I show them my tits. "Okay..?" I guess this is how people are going to talk to me? I wasn't used to such a sexual environment. 5 minutes ago I would have NEVER showed my tits to a complete stranger!

I changed into a basic dancer outfit that I had bought, confided in my new obviously drug abusing friends, and waited to hear my name called for my audition. I was shaking as I walked up to the stage. My shoes were so high that I just sort of grabbed onto the pole and used it as support to make sure I didn't fall. The rules were explained to me as "You need to be topless by the third song" Okay, I can do that... Wait.. oh my god.. All of these people are going to see me boobs! How weird is that? I took my top of, and felt relieved to see that no one was laughing at me. They were actually tipping me! Somehow I made it through my 12 minute set, got off stage and signed my paperwork.

That night I left around 12 am, exhausted and $800 richer. 8 HUNDRED DOLLARS. I made 8 hundred dollars! That was LITERALLY more than my entire monthly income waitressing! Holy shit!!!  

This was the start of something great for me. I am now very well off, at a MUCH nicer club with much classier co-workers, I live a fancy lifestyle, I can go out and do and buy whatever I please to with the ability to still put away $1,000 a month, along with a $900 car payment. I have never had the option to live so stress free and happily. I basically get paid to have men stroke my ego all night. And buy me drinks. I like drinks.

If you want to be a dancer, or are interested, email me at or message me on facebook -


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  2. Kristy, I love this SO much. I'll be dancing at Diamond in August and I'm so scared to meet/see you. I'm going to feel so creepy.
    Hahaha, anyways. This post was amazing and I want you to keep making more of these stripper posts! people are so close minded about dancers it makes me sick. *praying to the stripper gods that you make shit tons of money on your next shift*

  3. Do they really care if you don't know how to ride the pole of have some type of dance routine ? I'm thinking of becoming a stripper but I have think I have to lose a couple of pounds.

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  5. I've just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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