Monday, January 21, 2013

How to have a healthy relationship (and how to keep it that way)

How To Have a Healthy Relationship 

(and how to keep it that way)

I don't want to boast, but I think I've got this whole relationship thing down. I've been hurt, and I have hurt. You have to date around before you can realize what is right and what isn't. Maybe this post can help you skip some of those steps.

You have heard most of this many times, but have you ever laid it out and actually tried it? I am not claiming to be perfect or have a perfect relationship. Every good relationship faces hard times. It's life. And your relationship will solely survive on how you handle stressful situations. Beyond the basics of trust and communication, these are the things that I think are what holds a relationship together.


 I know how annoying it is when he forgets to rinse the sink after he does the dishes! Fucking prick! How hard is it REALLY?? ---- What? This sounds insane, but this happens. You live with each other and you become annoyed by his little imperfections. The same ones that you used to think we're cute are not so cute anymore. How do we usually go upon a situation like this? A nice bickering fight that ends with him sleeping on the couch and you silently laughing at how crazy you were just acting.

I've learned to laugh about it. Adrian goes insane with my constant need for every light in the house to be on. He laughs and says "You and those fucking lights woman!" He turns them off and grrs at me. We laugh about it. And next time I leave a room I remember him making that face, and it makes me laugh.. Then I turn the lights out and move on with my day. You really have to learn to laugh things off. What you need to do is ALWAYS think of an argument like this. "Will this matter a year from now?" If not, don't even bother with it. Is him leaving dirty towels on the floor in the bathroom worth losing him? I promise if he is a good guy, you will miss picking them up one day. Crazy how that works, huh?


Sex is like pizza. When it's not good, it's still kinda good. Sex will forever bond you. Through stressful jobs, kids (If you have any) and all of life's hardships, Sex is made to psychically and emotionally reattach you.

When Adrian and I become too caught up in life and forget to have sex for a week (our schedules suck) Its almost as if we forget our emotions. But as soon as we reconnect the bond is always completely mended. It's more than penetration, it's a bond that you share with ONLY him. It's beautiful. I have already told you all about Why you should get a lapdance with your man and how to keep the spark alive. Sex is a close second to communication in my eyes. You need it or eventually you WILL fall apart. Which leads me to me next subject.


The thought of a threesome is sexy, right? Watching someone else enjoy your man. Maybe you like women, too? What could really go wrong? You love each other and you trust each other.. Why not try it once? I WILL TELL YOU WHY. Yes, maybe the sex would be amazing! But what about afterwords? Did the condom break? Not sure? Maybe text her? Oh, she already texted you and wants to do it again next weekend? Here is your problem. You have now just fucked another chick. Together. She is your problem. What of she texts your man behind your back? What if she got pregnant? These sound silly but I've seen it happen. A threesome is something that needs to always stay a fantasy. The reality of a threesome is that is 9 out of 10 times it is a bad idea. But by all means, have fun, get a lap dance, check out women together. Enjoy the fantasy, but KEEP IT A FANTASY. End of story. Is one night of fun really worth endless arguments and possibly the end of something great?


Adrian and I sit at home a majority of the time. When we are not working, we are probably cuddling on the couch, watching CSI and in our pajamas. Occasionally, we go out. Rarely do I have "girls nights" I almost always include Adrian in my outing events. "Girls Nights" are excuses to go out and get away from your man. If you can't have fun out with him, how do you ever expect to carry out a relationship with him? These are things you need to think about. Go out with him. Have some cocktails, laugh together. It has done wonders for Adrian and I. We are a team, and we don't need anyone to go out with us to have a good time. That is very important. There is always something else to talk about. You should never become bored with each others conversation. Life is an adventure. Even if it means getting a cheap hotel room for a night and sneaking down to the hot tub at midnight, do it. You will enjoy each other the most when you are away from the normal schedule and away from everyone else.


You went through a rough patch, he got mad and stormed off to a friends, where he proceeded to drink a lot and ended up having sex with some girl who "totally took advantage" of him. You caught her sending him nudes and you both broke down and he promised to never to it again. Why not work it out? BECAUSE THAT IS A DUMB FUCKING IDEA. Cheating is NEVER okay. There is absolutely no reason either of you should ever seek sexual companions outside of your relationship. Once you cheat, your relationship is already fucking toast. Get out. I promise you it will never improve, I have seen it all before. Once they do it and you "forgive" them it will never ever leave your mind. It breaks your bond. If he loved you he wouldn't stray from you. And if you stay he sees no consequences for his actions, so he will most likely do it again. and again. Please, don't waste your time.


It's sad that I even have to cover this subject. I have never laid a hand on a boyfriend. I wasn't raised around violence, and you need to find a man who wasn't either. Men that are raised around domestic violence are 5 times more likely to do it themselves. Learn about your mans past. Play fighting is fun, but if he physically harms you with the intention of inflicting pain on you, leave. It only gets worse. I promise you. There is no excuse for him to hit you. And it goes both ways. If you don't put your hands on him, then he doesn't put his hands on you. You don't hurt the ones that you love. Point blank.

Do you really want to raise children with a father that beats their mother? Not only are you harming yourself psychically and emotionally, but if you choose to have children with this man, your kids will suffer as well. This is the worst type of relationship to be in. So unhealthy and guaranteed to fail. In the heat of an argument you need to BOTH learn to walk away and cool off. Respect each other always. 


Yes, he looks at other women, yes he watches porn. (If he says he doesn't, he's lying to you.) It is natural for the both of you to find yourself looking at attractive people. You check out other men, so obviously, he is looking at other women as well. But remember that you have more with him than just a sexual relationship. You have built a bond with this man, and he loves you. If he runs into an old cute girl he went to high school with, don't become angry over it. Smile, politely shake her hand, and join in on the conversation. He will be impressed with you. Your confidence is lighting up the room, and he admires that. No one can take your man from you. And if you have to worry about this, your relationship is not strong enough. Never jump to conclusions unless you are 100% sure you should. I know this is easier said than done, but give it a try and don't ever let another bitch have the satisfaction of thinking you are threatened by her. Because you are the fucking shit, and she knows it.


One thing that has made my relationship that much better, is keeping our drama between ourselves. Yes, we argue, yes sometimes I want to get online and bitch about him, BUT I DON'T. It is not only rude, but it is disrespectful to your partner. Facebook sucks because it makes you think that it is okay to put your problems on the WWW. Everything that happens between Adrian and I, STAYS BETWEEN ADRIAN AND I. No one knows the juicy details of our latest argument, but chances are, I have read about yours. And you know what? I think your relationship is a joke! How can you change your relationship status to single, and the next day upload a photo of an engagement ring?? Talk about dysfunctional! And everyone else is thinking the same thing. Just stop. No one gives a shit anyways. It is your relationship, no one else needs the 411 about it. If you have problems, go see a counselor. Your facebook friends have no good advice to give you.

I have a very healthy relationship with Adrian, and I would like to see more of that out there!
Your relationship will only be as good as you let it be! 

If you have anymore questions or think I should add to this, please comment!

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