Sunday, January 6, 2013

Why You Should Get A Lap Dance With Your Man

Relationships are hard. I have been in and out of them literally since pre-school. I know that doesn't totally count, but whatever. I know how these things work. And I feel like you guys all suck at them! You see, it's easy to start a relationship. Sex, Movies, Laughing, Escaping from reality, blahblahblah, butterflies and kisses. But many of you have learned that eventually, that shit fades! Then you're left with someone you love a ton, but lets face it, you're fucking bored!

I'm going to help you. It's not a baby. It's not a vacation to the bahamas. It's not a Ring from Zales. (Maybe it's a ring from zales) Here it is; GO GET A FUCKING LAP DANCE. Let me tell you why lap dances are amazing. First off, going to the club with your man automatically makes you both horny. If your sex life is struggling, this is key. I see couples of many years come into the strip club a few times a month just to make sure they can go home and have some incredible sex later. A lap dance is like a threesome without the commitment of a threesome. And it's even better because YOU (assuming you are female) are in control of everything. You pick the girl, you usually get the attention, and basically everything is all about YOU.

"But, Kristy, I'm a super jealous female. I don't want my man looking at other chicks!" This is the #1 thing wrong with relationships. Jealousy is so stupid. ESPECIALLY when it comes to strippers. Adrian and I go to the bar and I constantly catch him checking out other girls. Why? Because I let him! We literally laugh about it. When a guy offers to buy me a drink, I accept, and later Adrian and I laugh about it! The first thing you need to do it realize that looking at other people is human nature. There is absolutely no way that you could make your man stop checking out other chicks. Wouldn't you rather him turn to you and say "That chick is hot!" Rather than think it but keep it to himself? You could be Kim fucking Kardashian and he would still check out  hot chicks. So why not accept it and make peace with it? This leads me to good news for you. STRIPPERS DO NOT WANT TO FUCK YOUR BOYFRIEND. We literally just want your boyfriends money. Know this with confidence, that when you go upstairs with her she is only doing this because you are paying her! She isn't going to give you an STD, or try and call your boyfriend the next day, or some other shit that REAL threesomes start. That's the joy of it. No commitment. Go in, get a dance (or two, or three, or four..) pay the bitch, LEAVE. Go have sex.

Watching another female dance on your man will make you horny. Guaranteed. The sight of another girl wanting your man (pretend!) will make you want him even more! And when she turns to dance for you, your man will feel the same way. You will leave the club totally horny and ready for some incredible sexy time. This is a relationship saver. Adrian and I do this regularly. I totally get off on watching other chicks dance for him. And it definitely helps the insecure/jealous bug you might be feeling. Plus, you will be considered the coolest girlfriend in the world. Everyone wants a girl like you. ;)

2 comments:

  1. I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

    ReplyDelete